so im just going to be blunt, because im sure most of you know about everything thats happened to me in recent times...

so i was doing fine this morning until someone sent me an instant message, and im alright with that, but when she told me she still wants to be friends, i got really upset, and it wasnt because i dont want to be friends with her or anything like that, its more the fact that she hasnt said a word to me in 3 weeks...

i havent talked to too many people about the subject, and even less on how i really feel about it, but im gonna get it all out there... so theres no more confusion from my side of the story...

so i have more or less been in love with this girl for something like almost a year, more or less since i meet her, and she had a b/f so i never really talked to her, but i always thought she was one of the nicest and most adorable girls i have ever meet, great personality and very caring... and i like that... well, long story short, her relationship ended in october, and then she stayed single for about 4 1/2 months... this was the point where i started hanging out with her like EVERY day, and it was amazing, i had never been happier, i was kicking all my bad habits, and i was getting motivated to do things... so we spent about two weeks just hanging out, and things started getting more like a relationship, and we talked about it, and that she needed to figure things out because she had been single for so long that she didnt want to rush into anything, and i told her to take her time if she needs it... things slowly started getting more personal, we started kissing more and more each day... im not gonna post all the stuff that doesnt really relate to the story, because even though i am mad at her, i dont want to piss her off because i know shes probably going to read this which is one of the reasons im writing it... anyway, april 12 rolled around, and put the relationship up on facebook for everyone to see, it was a great day for me, to be in a relationship with someone i was really in love with, things were great and i didnt care about anything else in the world, i had the girl i had been dreaming about for months holding my had for no reason at all, things were GREAT... few weeks later things were still as awesome as they were on april 12th, sure, we had a few arguments, but what couple doesnt, these are things you just look past... anyway, over the last couple weeks we had been getting more physical with each other leading up to thursday may 7...into the 8th... if you know what happen great, if you dont... then your lost... sorry, and when your with someone you really love, its the greatest experience ever, and it was... so then on the 8th she went to ACen, and i went off and did my thing, had a miserable 2 days without her, they were the worst 2 days of the year so far... saturday night i went to pick her up from ACen, and things just didnt feel the same, we got back home and when we went to bed it just felt kinda awkward and i couldnt figure out why, same thing on sunday night too, i couldnt figure out what was going on, and i didnt know what was going on with her... so monday when she got home from work we went out for a walk so we could talk about things, and it went alright, then we got back to her house, and were planning on going to gameworks, and she had asked if i could sleep at home that night, which, i can understand now... because she had meet a guy at ACen, yeah... bogus, because apparently she never mentioned to him that she had a b/f and was flirting with him the whole time, which im fine with because thats just what she does, well monday night when we went to gameworks i had fucked everything up because i started talking to mike about what had been going on, i needed someone to talk to, because i was more or less compleatly in the dark about what was going on... i spent 4 days worrying about weather or not she was going to break up with me for some random guy she just meet that lives in the next state over, and she finaly asked me if we could talk on wensday night, but things didnt work out so we talked on thursday night after gameworks and dennys, and she had told me that she wanted things to be simple and she wanted to go back to being single for a while so she can figure things out with family and whatnot.. so i had told her that i didnt want to lose her and that i love her, and i asked her if she will come back to me when shes ready, and she said that shes not going to be thinking about dating for a long time... i had never ever felt that pain in my 23 years on this planet, not when paula died, not even when my grandfather died, and i hate to say it, but he was more of a father figure to me than my dad was, and with that pain came the desire to drink, and i wasnt going to.. but after i got home that night mike sent me a message, and he wanted to drink too for his crappy day, so i went to his house, and from that day on, mike has been the best friend i have around here, but me and mike drank, i finished my bottle of jack that night, and mike got drunk too, and after that i was fine, i missed her and all, but i felt like i would get over it, and for the most part i did... then the 27th came around, and i had plans to hang out with her, because i wanted her as a friend no matter what, because she is the most awesome girl i know, and i kinda wanted to hang out with just her so we can really talk, but she wanted mike to come too, which was fine with me, so the three of us hung out, had some pizza, and went to mikes house to draw, and she went home, and i hung out with mike for a bit and then i went home and got on facebook to find out that she is dating that guy she meet at ACen, so i stand corrected... THIS is the worst pain i have ever felt, the girl i love left me to date someone she just meet the weekend before she broke up with me... 13 days after she told me she was going to stay single for a long time... it was easily the most inconsiderate, cold-hearted, and selfish things anyone has ever done to me, to the point where i actually cried about it... i have cried for three things ever, this, my grandfather dying, and my dog dying, so from that came me drinking an entire case of beer, and going for a walk at 4 am to think about why i should stay here anymore, and why this was happening... me and mike didnt even bother to go to gameworks that week... and then when we went next week everyone but her was there... she showed up later with her guy from the next state over, and mike commented on how well i kept my composure just on the fact that he was there.. oh yeah... believe it... i wanted to bash some skulls, but im not going to because im a better person than that.... its just painful to get treated like this, and what makes it even worse is that she enjoys a lot of the same things as me so now i have a hard time doing any of that because i always thing about her... she ruined my favorite TV show and movie because i watched it all with her, i have a hard time with poi because of her, even playing my xbox, i have only played one game with her... ever, and i have a hard time touching an xbox controller now, and i dont even want to sleep in my bed, i have spent many nights on my floor or couch instead of my bed, and she only spent a night and a half in it with me, and i cant even look at a ripstick anymore, a lot of my life just sucks without her, and i dont know how i plan to get over it now....